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Being the Best You Can Be: Book excerpt

45 of my life learnings so far

This is an excerpt from my first book ‘Being the Best You Can Be’ available from Amazon Kindle priced only at 99p.

As I turn 45, I wanted to think of 45 learnings I have and the idea of sharing them made me focus more than maybe I would have if I was just doing it on my own. There were some learnings that came to mind immediately and others that snuck through. So, I decided to do it over a few days, writing down anything that came to mind in different sessions and then to see which ones kept coming up and they would clearly make the top 45. These are in no particular order apart from maybe numbers 1 and 45. What would yours be?

  1. Be positive and recognise the good in people

2. Never stop learning – personally and professionally. Have a growth mindset to keep developing

3. Only compare yourself to what you want to achieve: I don’t do Facebook and perhaps that’s why I don’t suffer from FOMO. I review my targets every birthday

4. Practise gratitude and pay it forward

5. Grief will get you when you least expect it so give in to it – it is not a weakness, but a strength and you are simply honouring your connection and the love you had. Experience it, let it shake you to the core and cry all you need. Don’t let anyone tell you they ‘thought you were stronger than this’. You need to grieve, so grieve. Time is a great healer.

6. Open your heart up to joy and love

7. ‘When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time’ Maya Angelou If you sit back, watch and listen you will learn all you need to know about someone. People give away who they are in what they say so listen to their words, watch how they treat others as well as you and who they are when they don’t think you’re listening. Actions speak louder than words

8. Hurt people hurt people so when they lash out or insult it says more about them than it ever will about you

9. Meditate, journal or do whatever brings you to a relaxed state where you can hear and understand yourself better. sit quietly so you can listen to your body, mind and soul

10. Sleep on it: it will always be better tomorrow and there is always a way forward even if you have to take a couple of steps back first

11. Travel, travel, travel – out of your own culture, religion, country and beliefs

12. Only share your story with those who want to hear it. Don’t give time to those who tell you who you are, but you only need to share what you want to share.

13. Some people will only ever see how something affects them and will only want what is best for them

14.Fear breeds intolerance/ hate so have a variety of friends from different backgrounds so that you can learn about different aspects. If you don’t understand something then ask about it, don’t just make fun of it

15. If you wouldn’t let the person physically into your home, don’t take them home in your head – let them go or leave them in work or wherever they belong

16. Experience fully/ deeply – love, life, travel, others, yourself

17. Test people if you need to – make a mistake and see how they react or say something controversial and watch their response. It will tell you much more than they will ever say verbally.

18. What you think of yourself is the only opinion you need to worry about

19. The struggles in life will provide many more learning opportunities than the easy times ever will. Sometimes parts of your life have to fall apart to get you to the next stage/ opportunity of your life

20. Set boundaries, keep them, let others know them and enforce them

21. Be the person who attends funerals no matter how difficult it is for you and how much it brings up sadness from your losses, don’t be the person who doesn’t turn up

22. It’s ok to walk away from those who mistreat you

23. You have a right to be heard

24. Treat all with the same kindness no-one is better than anyone else regardless of money or social status

25. Use your voice – don’t just complain if not going to do anything about it and also stand up/ advocate for those who can’t do it themselves

26. Every ending offers a new beginning

27. If someone wants to leave your life then open the door and let them go

28. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions/ thoughts and feelings. Don’t blame them on others and don’t accept blame from others for their thoughts and actions

29. Get to know yourself as ‘no matter where you go, there you are’ and you’ll never be happy unless you like yourself and can spend time with yourself

30. Travel lightly in thoughts and material baggage

31. Always leave a place, a person and a relationship better than you find it

32. You can always do something to help yourself, move away, stop listening, not letting it get to you. A controlling person is always that even in their nice days, but you don’t always need to be controlled and you will be able to escape mentally and emotionally before you can physically so protect yourself

33. Travel alone at least once in your life

34. Don’t run away from your feelings, deal with them otherwise you’ll never be free

35. Celebrate your achievements/ successes – don’t wait for or rely on someone else to do it

36. Make mistakes – the more you make the more you are learning and growing

37. Live and work abroad to gain a better perspective on life and how lucky we are

38. Dream and encourage others to dream. never tell someone their dreams are worthless

39. Listen more than you talk. Ask questions – don’t just make statements

40. The destination or the certificate is never the main thing, it’s the journey, what you learn and the people you meet along the way

41. Limit your time with those who undermine you or try to bring you down

42. An insult is an insult even if it is followed up by ‘it’s a joke’, ‘I’m joking’ and especially ‘oh you’re too sensitive, you can’t take a joke’

43. Travel inwards and get to know yourself – that can be the best journey

44. If it sounds too good to be true, then it is

45. Always know where the exits are

What are your life learnings?

If you would like to read the rest of my book, here is the Amazon link for it, it is only 99p!

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